My life is amazing. I’m surrounded by wonderful people and loved and endlessly busy. But I’m exhausted by my depression. No matter how great I feel, I have to work to maintain it every day. I have to try to resist getting overwhelmed with everything I do and work out and try hard to eat right to feel better. Oddly enough, although I’m in the best shape I’ve been in years, I have horrendous body image issues when I don’t work out or eat properly. I don’t know what it is but I just can’t stop picking apart what I dislike about myself and sometimes its destructive to my mind and inner peace. I don’t want to be haunted by these sad feelings anymore. I feel like they’re an old friend I’ve outgrown but I stick with because they’re familiar, because my body just can’t let go. I’m sick of the crippling anxiety at random times and getting stressed so easily. I’m happy, I’m in love and I’m deeply loved in return, there are just things about myself and my past I can’t reason with and I get frustrated and although I know perfect doesn’t exist, its like I’m always striving for it.